How To Spot An NPC In The Wild

Any 3 or more combinations of these are telltale that they’re an NPC:

1. They spend considerate amount of time on Facebook or any other social site
2. They have no goals or ambitions.
3. They want to be treated as an equal simply for existing.
4. They expect the state to pay for everything.
5. They’re messy.
6. They have cheated in the past.
7. They have had a one-night stand in the past.
8. They like to get drunk.
9. They have tattoos or piercings.
10. They flirt with other people in front of their friends.
11. They’re a single parent.
12. They were raised by a single mother.
13. They spend time on appearance, such as hair and clothing.
14. They’re clingy.
15. They want to find happiness through a relationship.
16. They want their desires and needs to be above their partner’s.
17. They badmouth their ex or exes.
18. They have had a lot of exes.
19. They don’t want to do things because it reminds them of their ex.
20. They want to have control.
21. They believe computer science is a real science.
22. They follow celebrity gossip.
23. They dye their hair in unusual color or colors.
24. They have a lot of opposite-sex friends.
25. They play non-traditional sports.
26. They have lots of video games in their Steam library.
27. They ignore your texts.
28. They smoke cigarettes.
29. They wear a scarf as a fashion accessory, even in summer.
30. They’re a vegetarian.
31. They take longer than 30 minutes to text back.
32. They have a lot of bright clothes and stuff instead of plain colors.
33. They’re obsessed with eating out.
34. They studied abroad for a semester/year.
35. They watch reality shows.
36. They love to create drama out of nothing (bonus: they say “I hate drama”)
37. “I’m not like other people”
38. They wear a lot of jewelry.
39. They often takes selfies (bonus: they make “soy face”)
40. They don’t have even basic knowledge about domestic or world politics and history.
41. They’re always looking at their phone.
42. They’re materialistic.
43. They don’t mention they have a girlfriend when you lament your
relationship issues to them.
44. They’re always late by more than 15 minutes.
45. They believe populism, memes, and biased rhetoric constitutes valid political discourse.
46. They think they fit in but they don’t.

Most people are probably NPCs if you think about it, including you the reader, and I the author, no exception.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *